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Facing refusal, particularly when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. A publisher is saying no, delivering a firm “Nope.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I began proposing articles 50 years back, upon college graduation. Since then, I have had multiple books turned down, along with book ideas and countless pieces. During the recent score of years, concentrating on commentary, the denials have only increased. On average, I face a setback frequently—adding up to over 100 times a year. Cumulatively, rejections over my career run into thousands. At this point, I could have a master’s in rejection.

But, does this seem like a self-pitying tirade? Not at all. As, finally, at the age of 73, I have come to terms with rejection.

In What Way Did I Achieve It?

Some context: Now, just about everyone and their distant cousin has said no. I haven’t counted my win-lose ratio—it would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: recently, an editor turned down 20 submissions in a row before approving one. In 2016, no fewer than 50 book publishers vetoed my memoir proposal before someone accepted it. A few years later, 25 representatives passed on a project. An editor suggested that I send articles less frequently.

My Seven Stages of Rejection

In my 20s, all rejections were painful. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my writing was being turned down, but me as a person.

Right after a submission was rejected, I would go through the process of setback:

• First, surprise. Why did this occur? Why would they be blind to my skill?
• Next, refusal to accept. Maybe they rejected the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who appointed you to judge on my efforts? You’re stupid and the magazine is poor. I reject your rejection.
• After that, anger at those who rejected me, then anger at myself. Why do I subject myself to this? Could I be a martyr?
• Subsequently, pleading (preferably accompanied by false hope). How can I convince you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, sadness. I’m no good. Additionally, I can never become any good.

So it went for decades.

Excellent Precedents

Naturally, I was in good fellowship. Stories of writers whose manuscripts was at first turned down are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all famous writer was initially spurned. If they could succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his youth squad. Many US presidents over the past six decades had previously lost elections. The actor-writer says that his Rocky screenplay and desire to star were declined numerous times. For him, denial as someone blowing a bugle to wake me up and persevere, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

Then, when I entered my later years, I achieved the seventh stage of rejection. Understanding. Currently, I better understand the various causes why someone says no. For starters, an publisher may have recently run a like work, or be planning one underway, or just be contemplating something along the same lines for a different writer.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my idea is of limited interest. Or the editor thinks I don’t have the experience or stature to fit the bill. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the content I am offering. Maybe didn’t focus and read my piece too fast to recognize its value.

Feel free call it an awakening. Anything can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually nothing you can do about it. Certain rationales for denial are forever beyond your control.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are under your control. Honestly, my proposals may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and impact, or the point I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe an aspect about my punctuation, especially semicolons, was unacceptable.

The key is that, despite all my long career and setbacks, I have managed to get recognized. I’ve authored two books—my first when I was 51, the next, a autobiography, at retirement age—and over numerous essays. My writings have featured in magazines large and small, in local, national and global sources. An early piece appeared in my twenties—and I have now written to various outlets for half a century.

However, no blockbusters, no book signings in bookshops, no appearances on popular shows, no Ted Talks, no honors, no big awards, no international recognition, and no medal. But I can more easily handle no at this stage, because my, small accomplishments have softened the jolts of my many rejections. I can now be philosophical about it all at this point.

Valuable Setbacks

Setback can be helpful, but when you pay attention to what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. So what teachings have I gained?

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